Find me.
I am dreaming.
Find me.
I am still asleep and I am dreaming.
No, you're not. Come find me.
You did NOT just answer me. It's
just a dream.
You always were stubborn. FIND ME.
She opened her eyes to stare at the
sunlight streaming through the gap between the curtains of the glass door. They
left the door open the night before and the curtains billowed every few
minutes, giving her a quick view of the backyard before slapping back on the
screen again. She had been adamant on replacing the blinds that had been there
when she moved in, saying that, "it's hard to be dead inside when you
always have glimpses of life." Simon didn't argue with her.
Simon.
She lifted the arm wrapped around
her and turned around. Half of his face was squished on the pillow, his thick,
dark hair mussed up in sleep. She pushed her face against his neck.
"Good morning, love."
She looked up and smiled at sleepy
green eyes. "Good morning."
Those sleepy green eyes narrowed,
"another one?"
Sighing, she nodded. "It's
everyday now. I can handle it when it's just dreams but, now...even when I'm
awake...I thought I was free from this."
Simon was quiet. He didn't
understand it, this connection. But he understood that there are many things
about the world - and about her - that he was not meant to understand.
"Simon, what do I do? How can I
make it stop?"
"Did you ever think that maybe
you're not supposed to?"
***************************
After Simon left for work, Regina
sat in the backyard with a cup of coffee thinking about what he said. Though
she wanted to go back to her paints, she opened herself to something she shut
off five years ago. She decided she wanted to talk.
It's about time.
A little warning would've been
nice. I almost dropped my coffee.
You said you were ready to talk.
I was saying that to myself, I
didn't know you were listening already.
Oops. Well, I've been keeping a
close eye. Or ear.
How close?
I'm no Peeping Tom. I’ve always
respected your privacy.
Gee, thanks.
You're welcome. But five months! I started talking to you five months ago!
I was angry. I am angry.
I'm so sorry.
What is with this mysterious
"find me" crap?
Find me.
There. That. What is that?
I want you to find me.
I was desperate to find
you six years ago. Why now?
You're ready now.
For what? Why don't you just come here?
I can't.
You're the one who left.
I never did.
What are you talking about?
Just find me.
You’re still as bossy as I remember.
How do I find you? A specific address please.
You'll have to paint it. Think about
me and paint the first place that comes to your mind.
See? Bossy. You leave, won't come
back, and now you want me to work.
Well, you could always sell it after.
There is that. Now, leave me alone
so I can get to it.
Regina stood up and walked across
the backyard to a shed that served as her studio. Getting a fresh canvass, she
went to work.
***************************
"You painted that directly on
the canvass? No sketches first? Amazing."
"Simon, focus."
"I'm trying, but that's the
first time you did a direct-to-canvass. It's beautiful."
"Yes, and I'm feeling giddy
inside about it. But." She tapped the canvass.
Simon stamped down on his amazement
and looked at the painting closely. "Honey, that looks like the
woods behind your old house. Helena's there now?"
"The woods behind our
house."
"Yep. That's what you painted,
isn't it?"
"No, I...I didn't know I
was...she just told me to think of her and paint whatever comes to mind."
"When do you want to go
back?"
"Tomorrow."
"I'm coming with you."
***************************
The night Helena ran away was hot
and muggy with not even a single breeze for relief. Regina ran after her, calling
her name, but she never saw her again. She barely remembered anything that
happened in the year after Helena left. All she remembered was that she kept
trying to talk to her but never received an answer. The detectives gave up
after six months, saying that they can't find someone who doesn't want to be
found and who probably is already out of the county.
Simon was there when the police came.
He was also there a year later when a horrendous car accident claimed Regina's
parents and the lives of five more, including an unidentified man burned beyond
recognition. Simon remembered her desperation as she begged Helena to come
back, her sadness when there was nothing, and her steely determination to free
herself from her connection with Helena.
Now, Simon found himself
walking toward the house with the blue doors – they had always been blue -
where he’d spent many summer days and had been welcomed like he was family. And
he realized that as much
as he worries that seeing Helena again would tighten the tethers to sadness that he has been painstakingly helping free Regina from, he, too, needed to
know where the girl he considered his sister had been.
"There's no one here, Simon. It
looks just like it did when I left it."
"Let's walk through the woods. It’s
what you painted, not the house. Maybe that's where she is."
They walked deeper into the woods.
For Regina, nothing seemed to change after all the years she had been there.
She can still point out the exact tree where Helena almost fell, the exact
thorny bush that caught her hair. Where is Helena? Where had she been?
"Doesn’t this look like the place
you painted?"
Regina looked around. "To the
last leaf." She walked forward slowly, trying to feel a sense of Helena,
and caught Simon's worried look. "I'm sorry. Am I creeping you out? You're
probably starting to think I'm going crazy."
"I've always known you were
crazy." He gave her a goofy grin.
She had to laugh. "I know this
is not something a normal grown woman would do."
"Look, I may not understand how
this thing between you works, but you can't turn your back on Helena."
"She did to me."
"Maybe she had a reason. Why
don't we sit down for a minute and rest?"
They sat down against the roots of a
large tree. Regina leaned against Simon and closed her eyes.
Oh, goody, you're here already.
Why here? Where are you?
Keep your eyes closed and watch.
Nothing. Then Regina saw a girl of
eighteen with a face identical to hers walking briskly through the woods. The
stars are out and the sky is beautiful but she didn't see it, her dark eyes
glittering with anger. She's an adult. No one can stop her if she wanted to try
out her luck in Paris.
Then the vision shifted and she was
running. Not me, Regina thought, Helena. Helena was running. But the images in her head began to jumble until she felt that she was Helena. She felt the metallic taste of fear in her
mouth. This is their woods, she was always safe here. But not now, no, not now.
Now she has to run. Now, she has to go back to her sister. She felt her foot get
caught in a root and the ground came rushing up to her. The flash of a knife.
An unbearable pain. Then, nothing.
Regina felt Simon's arm around her,
his worried voice cutting through her jumbled thoughts, "Regina, what's
wrong?"
Regina shook her head, her eyes
still closed.
Why just now?
When I was strong enough to talk to
you again, it was the year mom and dad died. I
knew you couldn’t handle knowing. Not yet.
Who was it?
No one important. I mean it. Just a
drifter, someone who already got what he deserved.
I'm so sorry I've been so angry at
you.
Don’t be. I would be if I were you. What’s
important is that you’re strong and happy. And that you stay that way. This is
the last time we'll talk for a long time. I just needed to let you know what
happened.
No, keep talking to me. Please.
And have you risk getting sent to
the nut house? Nah. Besides, you have Simon. Always. Tell him I’m happy for you,
will you? Oh, and can you do something for me? If I show you where I am, will
you find me? Please bring me home.
I will, I promise.
Oh,
and another one.
I can’t believe it. You’re still
bossy even when dead.
What makes you think death changes
people? I’m sure you’ll still be stubborn when you die, which shouldn’t be too
soon, okay?
Alright.
What’s the other thing?
Live free.
Regina opened her eyes. The sun
filtered through the trees, bathing the woods with surreal mystic light. A
couple of meters away, a bright ray of light hit the ground.
She took a deep breath, wiped her
tears. She gripped Simon's hand.
"I know where she is. Let's
bring her home."
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